Bottles, Bottles, Everywhere...

So it seems like everytime we meet with a lactation consultant we start to feel more confident and we gain hope, then a day or so later reality sets in and things aren't going as well as we expected or hoped. We've cut back on syringe feeding amounts and I've tried feeding him without supplementation in the morning when the girls are at their fullest. He is not calm at all when it comes to latching and it's a struggle to get him on. He fights and flails, punches and pulls off and on which is absolutely agony on the nipples, something I could live with if all else seemed to be going well. However he is always starving. He'll feed and appear satiated but less than 20 minutes later he's screaming for more. If there's no supplementation given during the feeding, or if it's not given fast enough he gets upset as well. Yesterday was a particularly stessful day and night for us all. He fed and fed and fed at the breast and still he was not full. He's far from oblivious to the source of the easy food either, more than once he's pulled off the breast with the supplementation tube in his mouth like a straw and gone to town on it. Where does this leave us? Well right now we're feeling pretty down about the whole situation. We know we've tried a lot of things. We've sought professional help from more than one person. We've met and dealt with six lactation consultants both during pregnancy and postpartum. Yet we're still not at the place where things are going well, or even better for that matter. I'm pumping and filling our fridge with milk so right now that seems to be going well. At this point we are strongly considering abandoning the breast and exclusively pumping and giving him breastmilk in bottles. I've read some websites about exclusive pumping and I know that I can do it. With DH going back to work on the 9th and me being unable to supplement and breastfeed simultaneously I think we'll all feel better with this choice. While it makes things more flexible, only one of us needs to be available to feed him, it is a ton of work on my part. Work that I am more than willing to do. I quit my job to be a stay at home Mom and pumping is just going to be one of my duties. While we've basically made the decision we're still torn on implementing it. We will be going it alone, as the lactation consultants we've seen close their ears to exclusive pumping. To them breast is best and there is no alternative. Even breastmilk in a bottle is apparently just not good enough. I know what it is to feel judged at this point about choosing formula, only I'm being judged for choosing breastmilk in a bottle. I don't understand why we can't all support each other, regardless of how we end up feeding our children. We all must make the decisions that work best for us and our babies. I highly doubt anyone, most especially those of us who struggled down the long road of IF make any decision about our children lightly. We all only want the best for our babies and my best may not be your best, but it is the best that works for LD and I. And I fully support you for choosing your best for yourself and your baby. For now DH and I will enter this territory of exclusive pumping ourselves, no lactation consultant or doctor help being provided, and we will support one another in accomplishing our best for LD.