I'll start this post by saying thick, luxurious, beautiful pregnancy hair is not bestowed upon every pregnant woman. Sure I have thick, luxurious hair on other parts of my body thanks to pregnancy, but the hair on my head...nope. It's falling out. It's all over my house. I'm shedding more than my cats. I've started to wonder if in the next few weeks I'll end up with a bald spot, but it seems to be falling out from all over so I guess I could just end up cue ball bald. Oh well my hairstylist is out on maternity leave through September so if I'm bald at least I won't have to stress about finding someone to fill in until she gets back.
This last month has been pretty crazy. At some point between the hospital tour, the baby classes, my stomach suddenly looking as though I swallowed a basketball, and walking around my house staring at all the baby things that we've amassed these last 8 months the reality hit me. This kid has an exit strategy and I can either school myself on what that entails or I can go into it blindly. I'm not the go into things blindly type. I mean I had a general idea of how I was hoping things would go, but as to the real details of how the body even labors I was clueless. The only thing I knew is people kept telling me it was going to hurt, but luckily there's fabulous drugs that would take that away. Since I already knew I don't want to use drugs I knew it was up to me to educate myself to avoid the fear that would lead to the drugs. While we were interviewing doulas one mentioned a few books that she thought I should read. I love to read so off I went to the library to grab the books. I have to tell you those books were exactly what I needed. Before the books there was some question in the back of my mind as to whether I really and truly could do this. Those books were the key to me understanding that my body was made to do this. On it's own. Naturally. I went back to work to visit my old co-workers yesterday and got engaged in a conversation regarding my desire for a natural childbirth. As I listened to myself so calm and assured telling people why I was making the decision to have a natural childbirth I realized for the first time that my anxiety has been transformed into anticipation. I am fully anticipating and looking forward to the birth of my son!! Every moment of it!! I am ready to embrace labor and all that comes with it. I realize there are unforeseen things that can crop up, but I feel confident that I've educated myself to the best of my ability so in the event things start to go in another direction I'll know where I'd like that direction to be as well. So for now I'm calmly awaiting what's to come in forty-five days or so.
Book titles:
Ina May's Guide to Childbirth Ina May Gaskin
The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth Henci Goer
Doula Guide to Birth: Secrets Every Pregnant Woman Should Know Ananda Lowe & Rachel Zimmerman
