Breathe...Everything Feels Better In the Morning...

Thank you all so much for the wonderfully sympathetic, empathetic, and supportive comments!! I truly felt like the rug was pulled out from under me yesterday and your caring words helped a ton. In the midst of dealing with my birth plan disappointment, I also got a phone call that my identity has been stolen. So yesterday was just one of those days. However I've slept now, the tears have dried, and I no longer feel helpless. DH and I have considered our options and weighed the pros and cons. Unfortunately our insurance no longer covers a birth center. They used to, in fact in my initial "Congratulations you're having a baby!!" folder there's a sheet explaining the birth center experience. At the time I received that folder with my history, I tucked that thing in the furthest corner I could find and ignored it for months. Sort of like I ignored that at some point LD would enact an exit strategy. It wasn't ignoring it as much as fear that thinking about it or talking about it would cause something terrible to happen. So the birth center isn't an option for us. We could probably do some research and find one and pay out of pocket, but at 34 1/2 weeks I'm not sure the stress of finding a new provider and place to birth is really something I can handle right now. After talking to some people locally I was told that the sister hospital to the one I was planning to deliver at is known to be more natural childbirth friendly. Of course it's still a hospital, but at least the nurses are more used to seeing women do it naturally. So this morning I called and called and called until I got through to someone who could help me get switched to that hospital. So I'm breathing again. It's a step towards what we've envisioned for LD's birth. While I would love to do it all at home, I'm just not there yet. DH isn't either. I will seriously and strongly consider that with #2, well before 34 1/2 weeks. At this point DH & I want the security of the hospital(just in case), but the privacy of the home. Hard to get at a hospital, but I really feel more at peace that our new hospital will be more in line with what we're hoping for. DH has vowed to knock the scalpel out of the doctor's hand if he attempts an episiotomy and distract the doctor if there is an attempt to immediately clamp Little Dude's cord. I love my DH to pieces, I trust that he will fight for what is best for LD and know he won't just let them do whatever they want to me. I had a few women share with me their inspiring stories about giving birth with some of the interventions I'm not thrilled about, and each one of them reiterated that although it wasn't what they were hoping for in terms of interventions the end result was still the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to them. Yes, we do plan to labor at home as long as we can, although the new hospital is a little further from us, but since this is our first we should still have plenty of time. Hopefully DC traffic cooperates. So for now my calm has returned and I am again looking forward to the actual process of labor. I will keep my birth plan essentially as it was and work with my DH and my fabulous doula to ensure that LD's arrival is healthy and safe. At this point I should be kicking back and putting my feet up and enjoying my final weeks of pregnancy, but that's how I basically spent my second trimester, so now I have to resume prepping diapers, washing baby clothes, and getting LD's things in order. These last few weeks are really starting to fly!! 38 days and counting...