Stopped in My Tracks...

Thursday was a crazy day. DH & I went in for our baseline bloodwork and ultrasound for the IVF cycle. Lining looked good, right ovary looked good, and small cyst on the left ovary. I think it's the smallest cyst we've had so far. Two months on birth control must have really calmed those ovaries down. Nurse called in the afternoon with bloodwork results and said to start the stims that night. We went to a wonderful Couples Surviving Infertility Support Group sponsored by our fertility clinic on Thursday night as well. I'm so thankful that DH is willing to do these types of things, I know some people aren't comfortable with them, he actually thanked me for taking him after. We did one before and I think we both really enjoyed it. It gives us a chance to hear how other couples handle things, and see some of the quirks that drive each other crazy about how we cope may just be gender based. We have an awesome relationship, and can tell each other just about anything but some of the things we've felt more comfortable sharing during these groups have truly been insightful for each other to hear. I would recommend a support group to anyone dealing with IF or any other life circumstance where they really feel alone. In this world you are never truly alone. Someone else is experiencing the same difficulties you are, it's just a matter of finding them. The group ran until 8:30pm so we had to do the shots when we got home. As we walked into the house I checked my email and saw my thyroid test results from Monday were back. Unfortunately it was bad news. My levels had gone back to where they were before I started my thyroid medication, even though I'm still taking the medication. I was floored. Of course at 9pm my Nurse wasn't available so we went ahead and did the shots anyway. One of the shots has to be mixed, so DH does that one so he can be involved too. I don't let him inject me, except the trigger shot and only because it's intramuscular in my bum(the logistics of administering that myself just don't work). Last IVF we had to wake up at 2am so he could shove the 2 1/2in long needle in my butt. Not pleasant. Actually I didn't even feel the shot, it was just annoying to have to wake up at 2am!! We did the meds on Thursday night and I sent my Nurse an email letting her know my thyroid levels had increased again. I was sure our cycle was going to be cancelled. Because DH travels a LOT for his job we wouldn't be able to do another cycle until January. That made me sad. I spent all day Friday agonizing while waiting for the Nurse to get back to me. Finally around 3pm she did, keep going with the protocol she said. So we're still in the game.
This cycle is so emotionally different than our last. I've yet to feel the excitement that surrounded the first IVF, I guess the first IVF only happens once. This time there is an apprehensive calm surrounding me. I think I feel almost some denial. Denial that I'm actually even doing an IVF cycle, yet I'm unsure how I can deny it when I'm sticking myself in the stomach 3 times a day...but there is a weird calm that I can't really explain. I'm normally hyped up, super stressed, worried about every little thing, and right now I just don't seem to be worried. So ovaries gear up. Tomorrow morning when we take a look I'd like to see the beginnings of some beautiful follicles. Grow follies grow!! And the dance continues...