Buh-bye Money...Hello Needles

Today our portion of the money for this IVF cycle was due. I can't complain because we are exceedingly lucky, we actually have 50% insurance coverage. The even nicer part of that is insurance negotiates an even lower rate with our fertility center and we're responsible for 50% of that rate. So our IVF cycles cost about a quarter of what people without insurance have to pay for a cycle. So for that we count our blessings. We opted to do the ICSI this time. ICSI is when an embryologist(egg expert), injects a single strong looking healthy swimmer directly into each of our eggs. That was not covered by insurance. But we feel like anything that can help give us a better chance of success at this moment is worth every penny. We'd rather spend an extra $2K this month, than have to pay for another whole cycle. If we need another cycle it will be the last one our insurance will cover. Ugh.

I finally saw a real endocrinologist. He was pretty thorough in his testing. He did agree with the things I'd read online about the target ideal TSH level for a woman trying to conceive being between 1-2. My TSH level on September 18 was 3.33. I was put on thyroid medication by my RE while I awaited my appointment with the endocrinologist. Two weeks later my TSH had dropped to 2.44. I'm having another test this weekend and I'm hoping it's dropped even more. So keeping the fingers crossed for that.

Tomorrow my morning Lupron injections begin. These injections will work in tandem with my birth control pills to further suppress my reproductive system. I'm hoping to begin the drugs to stimulate my ovaries on the 15 or 16. Then 10 or 11 days of stims before the big egg retrieval. After my last egg retrieval I suffered from ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. Basically all the holes left in your ovaries from where they retrieve your eggs leak fluid into your abdominal cavity. My abdomen was huge!! I looked 6 months pregnant just days after the procedure and I was miserable!! I couldn't sit or lie down comfortably. It hurt to walk. It hurt to breathe. I was a mess. This time I will be drinking Gatorade from a few days before retrieval until a few weeks after to avoid that complication. It gets worse if you're pregnant, otherwise it subsides. I started getting worse about 10 days after my retrieval so we went back to the clinic and they ran a pregnancy test and that's how we found out we were pregnant. It was a blessing and a curse. I didn't have to endure the dreaded two week wait because I found out after 1 week we were pregnant, but being pregnant meant the discomfort from the OHSS wasn't going anywhere. The electrolytes in the Gatorade were a life saver. So right now an entire corner of our house is stocked with Gatorade and SmartWater to ensure I get all the electrolytes I need. :)

So it begins. My hopes are still being kept at bay by my fears. I'm still steeling myself against disappointment. But I'm ready to start the injections, ready to get this show on the road. Terrified, but determined. Oh the last thing the endocrinologist commented on was my cortisol levels(stress hormone). Apparently they were significantly elevated. He wondered if I had any idea why that might be, at 26 what could be so stressful in my life? Uh, it could have something to do with the battle I fight everyday against my body. The one where I want so badly to be pregnant, but it wants to defy me. It could be the stress from wondering where the money to pay for my journey to become a mom is going to come from. It could be the stress of wondering if I will ever get the chance to be a mom. It could be the stress of sticking needles into my stomach with no guarantee of success. Or it could be my new fear, what happens when I do become pregnant and get the swine flu??? Yea doc you're right, at 26 what could I have to stress about???