If Hope Floats I Must Be Sinking

It's been a while since I posted. I started with the intention of posting everyday, but I've found myself feeling increasingly hopeless. In an effort to shake my negative slump I refrained from posting. We had our follow-up with the OB who performed my surgery to remove the baby. He told us about a patient he has who has had six miscarriages and medically they can find nothing wrong with her. Those words have been playing over and over again in my mind since Monday. I am terrified that I will never hold my baby in my arms. I find some solace in the fact that I have little faith in what this doctor tells me. He confused my test results and has given me inconsistent information. A hard lesson that I've learned through this journey has been you are your own best advocate. Yes doctors go through years and years of training and school, but they don't know EVERYTHING. They aren't always right even. Some doctors believe some research, while others completely write it off. You owe it to yourself to be the most informed patient you can be. If you aren't knowlegable they will give you the easiest diagnosis and insist that's all that's wrong. His recommendation was to wait a month or two and try again. No guarantees we won't lose the next baby. How do I reconcile myself to this? I can barely function now, having lost two, how do I try again knowing I may lose the next one as well? I want so badly to have hope but it is so difficult. After months and months of treatments failing I lost hope in treatment. Then when I bring in the big guns and finally defy the odds and get pregnant, I lose the baby. I no longer yearn to be pregnant, I now yearn to hold my baby in my arms. Just being pregnant is not enough anymore.