Recurrent Pregnancy Loss

Today in my journey I'm in the difficult place of exploring why I keep losing babies. The first baby developed slowly and had problems from the start. It was small when we lost it so they told us they'd do chromosome testing on it but couldn't guarantee if it came back female that they actually got the baby's tissue and not my own. It came back chromosomally normal female. We sort of assumed they just didn't have enough of the baby to test, and the results were most likely from my tissue. My RE told us these things happen and most likely it was just a chomosomal issue. Many people in my life told me they'd been through the same thing or knew someone who had been, only to give birth to a normal healthy little one next time they were pregnant. So we held onto hope. After finding out we were pregnant again we were on pins and needles. Every step of the way this baby just looked so different. It was bigger, the heart was beating stronger, and we were just so sure this was it. We struggled with sharing the news though, remembering how difficult it was to untell everyone before. But every visit to the RE made us more sure this was it. We started researching cloth diapering and started making our decisions based on three of us instead of two. And then the baby's heart stopped. The chromosome analysis for our second angel came back normal female. This baby was much bigger than the last so I'm confident the results were the baby. DH and I have bloodwork pending for chromosome analysis on the two of us, to make sure there isn't some hidden anomalie we are passing on. Those results should be back in the next few weeks. I will also be doing a panel of bloodwork to determine if clotting factors are causing bloodflow between myself and the placenta to cut off flow to the baby. Those tests need to be done after my body realizes it's not pregnant anymore. It's kind of a cruel joke nature plays on you but you are not exactly instantly no longer pregnant. Daily reminders of what you've lost. So as far as explanations for our losses, we have none yet. I have a follow up with the OB on July 27 and then another follow up with my RE on August 24. I'm keeping focused on my August RE visit and hoping that provides me with some answers. At this point it's probably not "just one of those things that happens", not "probably better off this way", not "just not meant to be", or something we will overcome if we "just relax and keep trying". And while everyday I'm thankful that I'm "so young", it doesn't help in dealing with the losses I've experienced. Pregnancy loss is something that there are no perfect condolences for or really any good words. People truly care and want to say the right thing, but there is no right thing. Any of the phrases in "" are phrases people have said to me. While I don't hold them against anyone, in the future they may not be a good choice to say to someone who has lost a child. A heartfelt I'm sorry goes a long way with anyone experiencing any type of loss.