The Ultimate Betrayal

When you hear the phrase "ultimate betrayal" most people would likely think of being cheated on by a spouse. I've experienced the ultimate betrayal and it is much, much worse. Saying this would set feminist and women's rights people off on a crazy tangent, but since the beginning of time the purpose of a woman was to create and nurture life. Our bodies are hardwired to carry our young and our primal instincts are to raise and provide for our children. This basic task comes so easy to most women. But I've been betrayed. Betrayed by someone it is impossible to get away from. I've been betrayed by myself, my body. The primal instinct to bear children still burns strong within me, but my body has continually fought against answering that call. When I've been able to overcome the initial challenge and I've conceived something has gone wrong each time. My body has caused the termination of the thing that I want most in the world. The constant guilt and disappointment caused by this betrayal is oftentimes unbearable. How do you cope with being betrayed by the one person you're supposed to count on the most? How do you deal with failing at the one task you were created to accomplish? It eats away at your self-esteem and drains your self-worth. Worse yet, how do you gaze at the source of this angst everyday in the mirror? When your source of betrayal is yourself it's impossible to escape your tormentor.