The Adpotion Option

"Why don't you just adopt?" This has been the most common question we are asked since starting this journey. My first response, and I usually am able to bite my tongue on this one, is why didn't/don't you just adopt? In reality I usually end up muttering something about how we just aren't ready for that yet but it's a future option. I didn't ever want kids. I thought kids were stinky, needy, and too much work. As my brother-in-law would say, I just didn't think the return on investment with kids was worth the hassle. I planned to live child-free so I could travel and see the world. Then I met my husband. My husband is truly the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. He is the smartest, sweetest, and most amazing guy. His strengths are my weaknesses, he is my soul mate. A year into our marriage the mommy-switch flipped. I suddenly wanted to create a life with my husband. I wanted to look at our child and see my eyes, my husband's fiery red hair, my spelling skills, and my husband's intelligence. I want to watch our child grow and experience life. As you look at your children I know you can appreciate how I'm feeling. Adoption is a wonderful, wonderful gift and it is certainly an avenue that we intend to keep open to us. There are many amazing children who need loving homes and we would welcome them with open arms. Giving birth does not make you parents, it is the love and stability that you provide to your children that creates and strengthens the bond. But adoption is a process. There are no guarantees, just like with infertility treatment. You can fail. You can lose a child, a birthmother can decide to keep her baby after she's already selected you as parents. There are also many, many people waiting to adopt. There are restrictions as to how long you have to be married, how old you are, your health and family history, and many, many hoops to go through before adoption can even be considered. Adoption is also very, very expensive. We are so fortunate that we have great insurance that will cover 50% of our infertility treatments, including 3 IVFs. So we still have 2 more IVFs until we are at the crossroads to decide if we continue more IVFs out of pocket or if we pursue surrogacy, adoption, or decide to live child-free. So while adoption is an option, at this point we are not at a place to consider other options. The adoption process requires heaps of paperwork(think signing a mortgage), home studies, and a large time commitment. We are currently putting our entire focus on infertility treatment, which also requires a large amount of physical, emotional, and mental energy. So if and when the time comes to consider other avenues, we most certainly will discuss adoption as an option. And if and when it's time for baby #2 adoption is definitely an option.