In Between A Rock and A Very Hard Icky Place...

Ugh, I'm in a place that I didn't want to be. I'm normally a pretty healthy individual, aside from my broken reproductive tract. I don't do pain meds and I rarely get sick so I don't do cold/flu or other OTC meds either. Sure I did so many drugs to make a baby, but I didn't have a choice. After both of my retrievals I didn't take pain meds and I especially didn't need the Vicodin I was given. I would rather just muscle through the pain than put drugs in my body. But last night I did not sleep. Again. I did the Neti pot(twice), I did Breathe Right strips, I put Vick's Baby VapoRub under my nose, I put a warm mist humidifier right next to my bed, I propped up my pillows to almost sitting position, I tried the steam in the shower trick...all to no avail. Still no sleep. Yesterday morning my OB's nurse told me I could take Sudafed or Chlor-Trimeton. Being against meds I wanted to avoid those at all costs. I don't want to expose my baby to something that could possibly cause harm. But today I'm stuck. I am out of sick leave at work, thanks IVF x 2. For some reason by 7am I'm so exhausted I readily fall asleep, except I start work at 8am. So that doesn't work. This morning I called in for half a day so I could sleep for a few hours this morning, but tomorrow that isn't an option. I Googled Sudafed and pregnancy. Yep, scared me. It's category C but it seems that it's widely accepted for use after the first trimester. Yet I'm still leery. Chlor-Trimeton is category B, so safer and I didn't see any real scary stories regarding that. It's an allergy med though so I'm not sure how helpful it will be at decongesting me. According to the nurse in her opinion it works better than Sudafed. I guess I will give it a shot. Out of desperation. I can't help but feel like I'm failing my baby. Like I'm being weak. But I'm stuck. If I stay in my job until the end of March I will be vested. I will get to keep all the money they have put towards my retirement, and it's not really a small sum. Not to mention I will be getting paid to be here. But I can't work if I can't sleep. I am beside myself. DH does not help. He is happily sleeping away all night and it irks me. I know this isn't his fault but yesterday he had the nerve to get all whiny about how I didn't make dinner. I, according to him, sat around all day while he worked. Are you f&*(&$*#&(^&* kidding me???? I seriously wanted to slap him. I don't promote domestic violence or condone it, but WTF? I got 4 hours of sleep. Spent the entire day scouring the internet for safe non-medical ways to remedy my congestion that couldn't possibly harm our baby. I worried and fretted about having no choice but to quit my job before April when we had planned for me to. I worried and fretted about the financial repercussions that decision would entail. I worried about what would happen to our baby if I had no choice but to take the drugs. This morning he wakes up and says, "You're not going to work again?" Exapseration clearly evident in his voice. "You need to at least go in this afternoon." He just does not get it. I am the person who is solely responsible for the well being of the child that I carry inside me. Every decision I make directly affects the health and well being of this child. The responsibility is enormous. So yeah I didn't get a chance to make dinner, sorry. All night I sit around mulling over what is going to happen if I never sleep again. I worry about the baby. I worry about myself. I worry about my job. So now despite the fact that it kills me inside I think I have to turn to medicine to help me sleep.