Totsicles and Telling...

Two days past embryo transfer and the bleeding has thankfully ceased. It was only the first day so hopefully it was related to the procedure. My clinic tells you to be on bed/couch rest for 24 hours, my DH says I like to go big or go home when I do anything so I basically increased the 24 hours to over 48. Who doesn't like being waited on hand and foot? Kinda gives me the motivation to increase my bedrest period. This afternoon I finally detached myself from the couch when DH had to return to work. If only the cats could bring me food... Today I'm feeling some pressure in my uterus area, little twinges, hopefully some implantation action. Maybe it's all in my head. My nurse called this afternoon to tell us none of our remaining embies "met the criteria" for freezing. Not a big surprise after IVF #1. Our clinic basically won't freeze it unless they are 99.99999% it can survive the thaw. Oddly I wasn't distressed by the news. I didn't erupt in tears. The calm that I felt during stims has managed to regain control after the anxiety from the bleeding. I'm hoping it's a sign, our babies are right where they should be. Snuggling in for a 9 month gestation.

Now onto a harder subject. If we're pregnant: to tell or not to tell. Both times we've been pregnant we've told everyone. EVERYONE. I would tell people I didn't even know, like they cared. DH isn't as big a teller as I am, but I am a very open person. The first time we were pregnant we didn't know how it could end in the blink of an eye. The second time we briefly struggled with whether to tell or not. We knew it could be over at any moment, but told anyway. This time I don't want to tell a soul. No one. No one in real life, no one on my blog. But how do you avoid telling? People at work know I'm going through an IVF cycle. I've missed work, morphed into the most incredible bitch(thanks hormones), and then come back on light duty. They know. They will ask. Our friends and family know. They follow the blog. They call to ask how we're doing. They will ask. How do I not tell anyone? Do I pretend to go deaf at work, hit ignore everytime someone calls, and not post on my blog for months? The rational part of me knows the outcome will not be decided by how many people know. We won't lose the pregnancy just because we get swept up in the joy and tell everyone again. But I'm still scared. A part of me feels like the boy who cried wolf. I've told people before I was pregnant, twice. Yet failed to deliver a baby. Is there a point where they will start to question my sanity? I know I do. Sometimes I wonder if I ever really was pregnant. So this time my plan was to tell no one. The more I sit here and try to envision the logistics of telling no one, the more unrealistic it becomes. I feel stuck.