Six Weeks Later...

Today was my 6 week postpartum follow up visit. It's crazy to think it's almost been six weeks since Little Dude arrived. DH is working afternoons this week so the Dude and I tackled our first outing alone together. We survived and I have to say it went pretty well. The nurses and my OB were all very excited to see LD. My doctor called me a few days after he was born to ask me to bring him to the appointment. As someone with IF I always hated going to the OB and seeing the pregnant bellies and new babies. I used to wonder why they couldn't just have a day for those of us with IF to have annual exams, etc. So I was nervous about bringing him and hoping there'd be no one there in the waiting room, I didn't have a choice obviously since DH was at work anyway. To my relief there were just pregnant bellies and other women with children.

I wasn't looking forward to this appointment since I was so torn up after delivery. Luckily things are looking completely healed. At the appointment my OB asked timidly what our plans are for contraception. She seemed to know what my answer would be. Nothing. We spent nearly three years trying to successfully conceive and deliver a baby. We did countless Clomid cycles(seriously I lost count), a handful of injectible IUI cycles, and two IVF cycles. We lost two babies. In the end we were blessed with our miracle Little Dude. Is there a reason to prevent something that probably won't happen on it's own anyway? My OB did say that she's known people to get pregnant on their own after IVF. This is my secret hope. It's something I thought about often during pregnancy. I've mentioned it once or twice to DH. Two weekends ago we semi-discussed where we both are regarding more kids. The incredible toll that IF and treatment cycles took on me, and himself, is still fresh in DH's mind. I'm still high off the incredible experience of pregnancy and my absolutely beautiful delivery. We're both so in love with Little Dude and loving every minute of being his mom and dad. Neither of us want to take anything away from LD and being the absolute best parents we can be to him. Treatment was financially and emotionally costly. I keep trying to tell DH that it will be different this time. If we end up in treatment again I am not living with the intense fear that I will NEVER be a mother. That is what colored every moment of treatment last time. That is what made it so incredibly draining on me. That is what made living my life normally during treatment impossible last time. Things are different now though. During our discussion it seemed to me that DH was leaning towards no more treatment. If we get pregnant on our own awesome, if not, that's ok too. We've been blessed with LD and he's more than enough. That is so true. LD is amazing and I am so incredibly thankful for him. I would just love to give him a brother or a sister(most likely a brother since girls don't run in DH's family). It's funny because when DH got on the "let's have kids" bus he wanted more than one, while I adamantly wanted an only child. Being an only child I just didn't understand how you couldn't favor one over the other, how you could love and give of yourself equally to more than one child. DH espoused the benefits of having a sibling and in the end won me over. My OB recommends we wait a year before trying anyway so that gives us plenty of time to reassess where things are and how we feel. Although we aren't planning to use contraception so maybe... I realize to those still struggling and TTC their first my questioning whether DH will be up for trying for a second seems petty and trivial. I used to get so upset in the RE's waiting room when someone would talk about their other children or ask how long it would be for a blood draw since their husband and kids were waiting in the car. It didn't seem fair. I felt they already had a child or children, what the hell were they doing there as I struggled to conceive and deliver my first. So if you're still around and reading my blog while trying to conceive and deliver your first I apologize for subjecting you to my TTC #2 dilemma.

The only other issue addressed at my postpartum visit was the lump I found in my breast about a week after Little Dude was born. I will tell you that despite cancer being quite prevalent in my genetics, including breast cancer, at 27 I didn't give it too much thought. During IF treatment I read all the information regarding the possibility of the drugs increasing your risk of cancer, but with my genetics I've always sort of felt it was quite likely I'd get some sort of cancer eventually, and when you want a baby you accept that risk. Eventually to me being years from now, so I've been a little freaked out by this lump. I admit I haven't been good at checking myself like I should have been. Since starting to pump I've gotten quite acquainted with the girls and that's when I found the lump. At some point during treatment I remember watching an Oprah show about young moms with cancer. I remember watching it and thinking how badly that would suck. To finally achieve my goal of being a mother and to find out that I was sick. The ladies in the show were advocating mammograms for younger women. Despite watching the show and being really freaked out by it I still didn't start checking myself. My OB isn't too concerned by the lump but I am having an ultrasound in September to get it checked more closely. Until then I'm trying to avoid thinking too deeply about it.

Little Dude is nine pounds and nine ounces!! He's still doing awesome at sleeping through the night. Last night he slept from about 11pm to 7am. He's outgrowing his clothes so quickly!! He fits 6 month onesies now!! Luckily I didn't buy a whole bunch of littler sized clothing. When he was born at 7 pounds I thought I'd regret that, but turns out it was a good decision. We booked two trips in the next few months for him to meet family members. His first airplane ride will be in October, followed closely by his second in November. I'm looking forward to him reaching two months so we can start taking him out more often. Right now we limit outings to weekdays. I'm looking forward to getting us enrolled in some Gymboree classes too. Pumping is going well. We actually had to buy a chest freezer because we had no more room in our freezer for breastmilk. Now I have a whole freezer dedicated to breastmilk. I'm pumping about 50 ounces a day right now, which is about double what he's eating a day. Supposedly babies milk intake stays basically the same in months 1-6, with growth spurts here and there, so it seems my current supply is more than adequate to support Little Dude. In a weird coincidence I found out yesterday my OB exclusively pumped for her little one for a year. She had plenty of tips for me.