Thank you to everyone who had such supportive comments after my last little freak out post. If you've read one or two of my posts you know already I'm wound a little tight when it comes to pregnancy.
There's been a pretty common theme lately on a lot of the blogs I've been reading, the hospital stay. I've been reading a lot of people struggling with how to be fair about visitors to the hospital, and who to allow with them while they labor. I am so glad that these are not issues we'll have to deal with. DH & I live far, far away from our relatives. At times that's sort of a bummer, but this time, not so much. My mom may be here, but other than that we've had no one ask to be present when LD is born. There will be no jockeying for positions to hold him, no quibbling over who gets to change his diaper, no hurt feelings because only two people at a time can be in the room. For that I breathe a huge sigh of relief. When LD arrives he will be all ours, DH and I will be free to marvel at this little miracle we've been waiting so long to meet without the pressure of others excitement hurrying us along.
During this pregnancy I've become especially sensitive to birth stories. Sensitive would be an understatment. When I read or hear someone's birth story I end up sobbing. When I think about or talk about labor and delivery I lose it too. Even when it's generally described the tears flow. I cried reading books about it. I cry reading blogs about it. I cry seeing it in movies or on TV. I even cried during the hospital tour as the nurse explained what was going to happen. I am not scared. I am not dreading it. The tears are not sadness. I am so anxious for the overwhelming moment when my little man enters the world. That moment when they lay him on my chest and he looks up into my eyes. That is the moment that I am living and breathing for right now. The moment that just thinking about, describing, utterly takes my breath away and brings me to tears. That is my moment. I really want to try natural childbirth, with no epidural and I'm hoping that focusing on that moment will help me get through the most painful times just before. I want the moment that I meet my son to be as clear and unadulterated as it possibly can be. I've been waiting for this moment for nearly four years and in just about eleven weeks that moment will be here. I can't wait!!
