So here we are at 21 weeks :). According to one of my pregnancy websites this is the time when many couples experience fear. Fear about being parents. Fear about their lives changing. Fear about taking care of this new little being who will soon be entering into their world. Well I've experienced fear this entire pregnancy. Yes, in the past few weeks I've been able to push some of the fears to the side and actually rejoice in what is happening. Suddenly however the fear has returned full force. When we lost the last baby I demanded that they run a recurrent pregnancy loss panel to try to get to the bottom of what was happening. They ran it and everything came back clear. Though there was one thing they didn't test for that nagged me. Although they tested for clotting disorders and they were all normal, they did not run a test for MTFHR(a clotting disorder that also affects the body's ability to process folic acid that has been linked to recurrent pregnancy loss). My RE seemed to be opposed to testing for it. Both an OB and my RE agreed that since there are many clotting disorders that don't have tests to identify them, and Lovenox is relatively safe, I could be put on a prophylactic dose. This was to not only ease my mind, but just in case. So not having a true answer on the MTFHR, but knowing it was treated with Lovenox and a combination of Folic Acid and Vitamin B6 & B12 I let it go because I was going to be doing the Lovenox and I could add the other stuff myself no problem. So I did. I've been taking 1600mg of Folic Acid, 50mg of B6, and 500mcg of B12. On top of my prenatal, which has 800mg of Folic and a little of both B6 and B12. I ran this by my OB who said it was all fine, but I'm not sure she was really listening to what I was saying. A few weeks ago my grandma told me she saw on TV that new research was saying you can get too much Folic during pregnancy. So who do I turn to? Dr. Google. What does he say? Sure enough. Tolerable Upper Limit of Folic Acid during pregnancy 1000mg. Shit. Now I'm freaking out. So I took out 800mg and I've been taking 1200mg for the last few days. Then I started thinking about MTFHR again and decided to consult Dr. Google again. Then I found all sorts of scary stuff about losing babies because your Lovenox to Heparin switch for delivery isn't done correctly. Great. Pretty sure I've never, EVER found anything reassuring when consulting Dr. Google. Yet I still do it. Ugh. It doesn't help that I have nothing to do at work so I just Google all day long. Oh and the fish oil causes birth defects story that was in the news last week? Yeah. Thanks for that. I've been taking DHA/EPA since before pregnancy, I don't eat fish and Dr. Google has told me how important DHA/EPA is for LD's brain development and vision. But thanks to the news I've switched from a fish version of DHA/EPA that I've been taking for years(it's prenatal and says directly on the bottle third party testing shows no measurable traces of PCB's-the crap that "supposedly" causes birth defects), to a plant based source. Although Dr. Google says the plant based sources are much more poorly absorbed and used by the body. Ugh.
On a more positive note, I have found a way to diminish the fear and worry, at least for a brief period of my day. When I am baby shopping all the worries slip away. Bad news bears. I have had 2 Carter's, a Gymboree, a Children's Place, an Old Navy, countless Target, and countless website shopping sprees. My mom commented the other day that when LD arrives he will be clothed through second grade. At this rate she wasn't lying. The amount of shopping that occurs is directly proportional to my current level of fear. Let me tell you that up until the last few days I haven't been quite as scared as I am now. So the shopping may increase.
